June 30, 2006
Afterhours and Rehearsals
Tuesday night Doug and I tape this week's radio show. Then we celebrate my dancer/choreographer friend Kirby's birthday at Funk with Ron Carroll spinning. There was a really nice crowd going early on, and industry folks such as George Jackson and Steve "Miggedy" Maestro came and showed love.
These past 2 weeks I've been to more afterhours parties than Andy Warhol, and I've seen that NO ONE is faithful. Not a single one. This is why I will never have a boyfriend.
Wednesday we start rehearsals for our dance performance at 5 Magazine's 1 year anniversary party. Later that night I go to the Dating Game, and drag Andre Hatchett with me to The Note. After Long Islands and random driving around, I drop him off to handle his while I handle mine. Good night.
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June 26, 2006
Weekend Roundup
I'm sick of weekends because my job is an eternal weekend. I want to do bright and summery things like having a picnic and going to the beach and playing with my (non-existent) daughter who would dress like me. Lately I've been going to the northside doggie park with my 2 dogs Benny and Luigi, and that's as close to family fun activities as I get.
I get the news that an old piece of mine is in jail and needs bond money from his friends. Of course. Go to the rich girl. My days of bailing out jail boys are over... SO over. I don't care how good the sex was, I'd rather have you stimulate my mental. Rot behind bars for all I care, there's plenty more where you came from.
So Friday it's Zentra to hear Paul Johnson and Stacy Kidd. Me and my girl V are sad and upset so I train her on the potent powers of Bacardi 151. Then me and my crazy raver girl friend start kissing in the corner, because there's nothing like kissing a girl to forget your boy problems.
Later me and David Sabat go to DJ Kelly Wills' apartment along with Paul Johnson (who lives in the same building.) It's a slow fade and I make my way home shortly after sunrise.
Saturday my ex buys me dinner, gives me a bottle of tequila and gets me goodies all night. I think he's getting cool with the friendship thing. We stop by several clubs, then end up on the southside to hit up Robert Williams' and Reggie's parties. Finally we go to my boy AJ's afterhours party Rise at F212 Coffeehouse. The Pride Parade tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to make it...
Sunday me and my mutts Benny and Luigi drive around getting stuck in Pride traffic. Then Benny throws up all over my car so we chill at the White Hen parking lot listening to public radio while I clean him up and try to make him feel better. We go to the dog park and leave after Luigi gets into it with a pitbull. All I need now is a husband to yell at and order around and not have sex with and I have a perfect family.
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June 25, 2006
Riverdance
Monday, Little Louie Vega at Green Dolphin... Tuesday, new night with Ron
Carroll at Funk... Wednesday, the Dating Game and the Note... Thursday,
rest! Not! Have to do more club drops. Then Jeremiah invites us to
hear him spin at Uptown Lounge and we are treated to a drunken Irish
dance show. Apparently some newly transplanted Irish people came
wandering into the bar and got silly crazy retarded drunk. They danced
off-rhythm, made a circle and did Riverdance choreography. The star of
the whole show was this albino-ish blonde boy (barefoot!), and as the
night wore on he went from doing simple "floor moves" to more advanced
and startling tumbling tricks that told us he would end up in the
emergency room really soon. I couldn't believe this was happening,
because these kids were getting more and more out of control. Then
blondie boy goes inside the bathroom and gets creative. Soon team
Ireland is playing jumprope with a 3 foot long piece of toilet paper.
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Then someone from their group asks me to join in, and I smile my benign
Mother Teresa smile with a "hell no" subtext dowsing my aura. He keeps
insisting throughout the night, and eventually I realize it was his form
of courtship. I shove his hand with magazines and fliers because
there's nothing like an admirer who will come support your commercial
endeavors.
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June 23, 2006
Finally Over!
FRIDAY
Friday night is our last night of recruiting, and we go to Vision. Nobody is really there, but Paul Johnson is banging it. I finish my Andre Hatchett article that night as well. The July issue finally goes to the printer. FREEDOM!!! CELEBRATE!!!!!!
Saturday night I am ready to annihilate myself. Me and Doug go to the Walgreens and stock up on those portable necklace fans that don't work. We want to give them as presents because we know it will be hot as hell tonight. We then join Lugo Rosado at the Generator for drinks with Dana Powell. We do a crazy convoy to the 67th Street Loft Party and meet up with David Sabat. Steroid Stripper man has broken up with his crazy girlfriend (again), and is looking for something to do with his temporary replacement girl. I tell him he should try a southside party, and it takes me almost an hour to explain how to get there. I have invited 4 white people to 67th, 10 less than last time.
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The party was cool, not as cool as the ones before. Plus steroid stripper man kept trying to get up on me even with his new girl there. First of all I hate disrespect like that and I told him to cut it out. Secondly I reminded him that I see him as just a friend and no longer my boytoy. Done is done. He couldn't stand the fact that I was with someone I really liked and it was just too bad. I hope Ojay isn't mad that I kept taking away her security :)
SUNDAY
Is today stripper day? Not only does steroid stripper man want to hang out, but another stripper/pornstar I used to know is in town for the night and wants to hang too. For some reason, chilling with 2 extremely hot men (physically only) does not appeal to me. I blow them both off in favor of alone time.
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June 16, 2006
Recruiting and Funk
I've been talking to tons of women for the casting of this show and I'm slowly losing my mind. All these girls trying to prove how BAD they are... normally I would hate them but because I'm in the position of power they are all kissing my ass. Now I know what it feels like to be a dirty-old-man-director-casting-couch-guy because some of these girls are super hot (and there I go again with my bisexual inclinations.) I would totally make people have to sleep with me to get the part.
The deadline for the August issue is coming up in a day, and I still have 5 million things to do and my brain and body are about to explode with overwork and pressure! Tuesday night was the relaunch of the residency at Funk, with Ron Carroll as DJ and moi as host. There is such a stigma attached with Rush Street that it's going to be a challenge getting folks to come out. It's a gorgeous club, and some friends did show some love and stop in. Plus I got to recruit some of the bartenders for the show.
Wednesday I ran into Robert Williams at the Dating Game and took him with me to Four and The Note. He didn't seem to mind my drinking my mini-bottle of Cuervo while driving, although a couple of times he had to figuratively "clutch his rosary" with my psycho roads-of-Bombay driving. I forgot I was on antibiotics so I totally screwed my system up that night. Plus I ended up doing something I shouldn't have because I woke up late for work. Shit, call more "bad girls", more writing, more stressing. Can I get a hug?
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June 14, 2006
Photo Shoot and Reality Show
Friday night me, David Sabat and Adam Rivera of Chicagosoundsource troll around all the mainstream clubs such as Rednofive and Spy Bar to find girls for that reality show. It's a lot harder to recruit than we thought it was. I am out till 4am and realize I have to be up in a few hours. Shit.
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Saturday early morning I go pick up Andre Hatchett to take him for the photoshoot. Him and David Risqué are the coverboys for the month of
July, and we meet up at the photographer Tony's studio. I am shrivelling from the sun and lack of sleep as I keep my bug shades on. David comes in with tons of costumes, instruments and props (just like I asked him.) He's so awesome. What's even more awesome is that he brought a 12-pack of beer, something Andre greatly appreciated (he kept stealing the photographer's Heinekens). His phone kept blowing up with this horrible default classical music ring, and I told him to at least change it to the can can song to make us happy. The shoot was so much fun, and we're all really excited about the pictures.
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After that I drop off Andre at his house and crash for a few hours. I have to hit up all 30,000 parties tonight plus I think I'm hosting one at F212. Drops at Smart Bar, Sonoteque, Darkroom, F212, Red-I, Tini Martini and Zentra. The 1st party I attend is my boy Lugo's 25th Anniversary of House Music at the Congress Theater. I've never seen so many people before. Power 92 sponsored it so it's a way different crowd. I see Steve Hurley and Paul Johnson in the crowd, and catch a performance by Fast Eddie. A dread guy named "Australia" keeps wanting to "touch my back". I run into Robert Williams and JMJ and we go to the Deephouse page party at Tini Martini next door. That party was off the hook with djs Torin Edmond, Kenny Carvajal and Glenn Underground.
Then someone does something really shitty to me, so I go to my car and start to cry. I call my stripper friend Angelina in Miami and she instantly makes me feel better with her funny Czechoslovakian accent and kooky sayings.
I then finish up the night at an afterhours until a modest 8:30am.
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June 9, 2006
Bad Girl Recruiter
So I get a call from LA Wednesday afternoon. These are producers who have done reality shows such as The Real World and The Simple Life, and they are looking to do a new reality show called The Bad Girls Club. The casting directors are looking for local promoters in each city that can help spread the word. Apparently they did their research and found a some articles written about me and articles I've been quoted in, and that led them to my fivestarboogie.com website. Shit I don't know how many articles I've talked about woman power, sex, blah blah blah. So boom, they hired me. Now I have to spend the next week going to the clubs I loathe and find some crazy bitches.
I've asked David Sabat to join forces with me given his love for women and strong promotional pull with Chicagosoundsource events. Friday's lineup is Vision, Spy Bar, Crobar (I'm gagging as I write this) and possibly lesbian night at the Generator. The bouncers there tell me that the women on Fridays are super scary and vicious so that is so perfect for what we need.
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June 8, 2006
Monday Night
Monday I had so much shit to do I didn't have time to breathe. Phone calls, drop offs, writing, scheduling, phone calls, driving, avoiding, etc. Tuesday I finally get to interview my wonderful new party buddy Andre Hatchett (cover boy for July issue). And boy he sure didn't disappoint. I pick him up at his house in Hyde Park, and we go to the nearby outdoor restaurant/bowling alley. How ironic is it that our server is DJ Shani of Groovetemple, someone who I also planned to put in the next issue! So I turn on the taperecorder, and Andre and I start pounding down the Long Islands and tequila shots like there's no tomorrow. By 8pm we are hammered. And I've got some dirt on my taperecorder.
We stagger to do some of his errands, then end up at his crazy friend Darryl's house. I love this guy...he's a rollercoaster freak and has miniature roller coasters all over his house. We continue to gossip, scream and drink/do bad things.
"I want a boyfriend!" I wail, and Andre and Darryl both shake their heads like concerned aunts.
"No you don't girl, no you don't!"
"No man can handle you! Look at what you do, going out every night, you think a man can handle that?"
"Do you want 1 man when you can have 30??"
Well...
Later that night I come get Stephen (the Generator boy) and we hit up Four. Round 2.
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June 6, 2006
Monday Night
While driving around boystown doing mag drops, my dancer friends Kirby and Tracey tell me to join them at Cocktail. I didn't feel like going inside a bar at 6pm, but then Kirby says "The strippers are here!". I look for parking. There is one fiiiiiiiine ass stripper that makes us all swoon, so I set my erotic laser beams on him. When he joins us I get all shy and Japanese-girl-giggly on him, but I couldn't help it he was so damn sexy! It turns out he is half Filipino like me (the other half is Dutch), and knows limited words in Tagalog such as "fag", "I'm going to kill you" and "son of a bitch." "Good teachers you have!" I enthuse. He agrees to meet us at Madrigals (another male strip club) later that night.
Later on a group of us go to Madrigals sadly learning that they are about to close for good. I bring my new gay friend Stephen from the Generator so he can check it out. The dancers that night are okay, and we are a bored group of onlookers. The funny thing is that while driving home, I pass the liquor store that me and steroid stripper man used to frequent at 8am (see previous blog entries). Just then I see him sprinting across the road with a girl right behind him. I screech-stop the car and call his name. He runs to the car before she does and urgently whispers "Help me get me away from her I can't stand her help me..." Oh shit it's that same crazy girl from before! He's
giving me that "please save me" look but I smile and ignore it. She comes running up to the car looking crazed so I diffuse the situation by pretending Stephen is my boyfriend. They go jogging off and Stephen comments that he's never seen a man so scared of a woman in his life.
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June 6, 2006
Monday Night
DJ Doug Brandt and I tape the latest 5 Magazine radio show and it is one of my favorites. Old as they are I love the songs "Special", "Fade" and "I Might Do Something Wrong."
Saturday me and Doug go check out my new friend Rara's band The Buzzerds at the Elbo Room. She listens to our radio show and has seen my crew dance a couple of times. So we came to support her and she was absolutely awesome.
Next up is FLX spinning at the restaurant Cuatro on 22nd, and it is super packed. We order from their "late" menu, which limits me to compromising my vegetarian status. (Sorry chicken!) Alan King is there, who by coincidence happens to be celebrating his 25th High School Reunion at the same spot. (Hi Alan!)
We also meet the awesome owner who buys us mixed drinks. Doug and I are so un-subtle when it comes to being offered free shit because it doesn't happen often. We're always the ones paying for our freeloader friends so when the owner says "Can I get you some drinks?" we all but bark "YES!!" before he even finishes his offer. Doug has some weird fruity berry shit that's all red while I have the giant green Mojito. Glug glug glug and off we go to the Generator.
We spend the rest of the night hanging out with DJ/Manager Dana Powell and he too generously buys us drinks. We are upstairs in a booth tipsy and giggly and we meet this cute thing called Stephen. So sweet and bald and innocent, and all of us queens are ready to eat him alive. I will edit out any comments made about him because they are too dirty.
At 4am I roll solo to check Miguel Migs out at Smart Bar. When the club kicks everyone out I am standing by the curb with Ojay and Willie Wills. We talk till 6:20am about the future of the 67th St. Loft parties. Apparently there will only be 2 more at that location and that makes me sad. Once again I offer my door frisking services to them, but they never take me seriously.
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June 5, 2006
Magic List Girl
Friday afternoon everyone and their mama is calling me asking me what to do tonight. I must have literally gotten 15 different phone calls from folks looking for something to do. The irony is that all the parties happened last Friday, and there ain't shit to do this whole weekend. Zilch. Secondly people seem to be under the impression that I am the magic list girl. "Hey Czarina put me on the list for that party... Hey Z put me plus 3 for Sound Bar... Hey girl they're making me pay at the door come get me..." Huh? Excuse me but those aren't my parties, I'm attending them just like you! The last party I went to the doorman gave me carte blanche to herald in as many people as I wanted and the flock of party sheep grew before my eyes, all clinging to each other amoeba-like so as to get their way in. Wow the power of the party girl :)
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The new issue of the magazine is out so I do club drops and stay a while at the Prophouse. I go to Zentra even though the music that night is atrocious. I wish I had earplugs. But for once, ONCE in my life... my Friday night ended on a good note. A REALLY REALLY good note.
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June 2, 2006
Wednesday @ The Note
Wednesday night despite a growing fever which I have managed to ignore, I have to go out. I have to collect advertiser money from 4 different parties at 3 different clubs. I go to the Dating Game, the Note and Four. At the Note I have another Jerry Springer moment and someone storms off. I don't care anymore. Well I do, but I can't.
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June 2, 2006
Planes, Floor and Pain
Tuesday morning and going on no sleep from the clubbing the night before, I get ready to go back to Chicago. I am over my Miami friend. (At least I got a free trip.) I have a connecting flight to St. Louis and the thought of being around airports and planes for over 6 hours is wearing on my PMS. Because of so many delayed flights, I get bumped into a direct flight to Chicago. Yes! Then of course that flight gets delayed and I still end up coming home hours late. I am exhausted.
I have a party to host that night and I'm going on zero fuel. Sean Smith is having a party at Sonoteque with Farley spinning. While chilling with my girls, Boogie comes in with her new man. She is glowing like a star and I'm so happy for her. Finally one of us snagged a good man! In the meantime the rest of us girls are dealing with drama and frustration.
On a positive note, my floors are done! I had to take out the carpet in my living room due to too many pet accidents and change to hardwood floors. Instead of having to pay someone hundreds of dollars to do it, my ex willingly does it. He stays up for 3 days to do this, and by the time I get home he is delirious. The floors look great. He is crashed out and sleeping the sleep of the dead. This boy will do absolutely anything for me. I wish I was still in love with him.
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June 2, 2006
Miami
I am flying on a last minute trip to Miami to meet with a friend. This flight was bought for me, something that's never been done so I jump at the opportunity. I am picked up in a Jaguar and get to stay in a gorgeous 5-star hotel in Miami. It is the lap of luxury and I am loving it. I call my stripper friend Angelina and make plans, since I had to blow her off when I was there for the conference.
It is some big HipHop weekend in Miami, and the place looks like one giant BET nightmare. GHETTO. THUGS. IGNORANTS. FAT GIRLS SQUEEZED INTO SIZE 2 SHORTS! It is hideous. House is nowhere to be found.
Me and my friends start off at Pearl (very bougie crowd), and Angelina brings her trauma surgeon friend with her. He is super cool, and starts showing me pictures of some of his most memorable ER moments... Like one of a knife inside a woman's head and a bottle shoved inside someone's ass. We laugh and drink Mojitos and see hoes everywhere. Next we go and hear Craig Loftis spin at Space. Black and gay crowd, I'm right at home. We then end the night at Goldrush, the stripclub next door. I befriend 2 strippers from Canada and drunkenly give them my number.
The next day is memorial day and all I do is stay in my hotel room and talk. Much later I have a sumptuous dinner on the terrace and eat enough for 3 people. At 2am we look for clubs to go to. It is all hiphop on South Beach and there are more cops out than Liberia's entire security force. We go to SoBe (hiphop hell) then the Mansion (a classy hiphop hell). All the big stars are there, and
security takes us right to the stage so we can hang with them. I meet Fat Joe and have to stand and watch all of them rap on the makeshift stage. Was that Lil John? Was that Lil Kim? They all start looking the same after a while. There are probably over a thousand heads just living for this hiphop nastiness, and I am standing right at the core of it all. The 2 new strippers are with us and are super googly-eyed impressed. I'm not. I go to the bar irritable at everything, and start downing long islands to forget where I am. My company is pissing me off too, so I end the night with a big old fight.
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June 1, 2006
Zentra Party & Leatherman Saturday
FRIDAY. Friday night was the big party at Zentra with Ralphi Rosario. We danced and after Xaviera Gold sang "You Used To Hold Me". It went really well, and people seemed to really like the finale bellydance number with all the sexy gyrations. Robert Williams, George Jackson, Dana Powell, Farley (he's so unfriendly), Darryl Pandy, Andre Hatchett and Willie Wills were some of the people who came and showed love. Afterwards all the dancers backstage started downing the 99 Bananas vodka bottle I brought them. I'm still tripping about the new dumb list guy, because he couldn't read and see my friends' names. A 400-person guest list, carefully alphabetized AND in big fonts. And you still can't see their names??
Afterwards we went to an afterhours and I'm treated to a romance with someone I only see once a month. And just as luck would have it that's the one I actually give a shit about. Okay one of the ones. He calls me his goddess and treats me like one, but his mental health is so screwed up he can't maintain sane behavior. And then he's gone. On my To Do list for Monday is to get over him quick.
SATURDAY. It's International Male Leather (IML) weekend all over the country. This is when all the gay leather boys come out and play and throw parties all weekend long. They have taken over the Palmer House Hilton downtown and Andre Hatchett is spinning at the Onyx room (where all the black and black-loving leather folk get down.) I do a pseudo-dominatrix look and park myself (as I usually do nowadays) right next to Andre. I hang with Ojay and 2 of my dancers friends and gawk at all the S&M. Later on Frankie Knuckles and Judge come by and join the festivities.
There is a spanking area right next to the dj booth and a big sexy leather daddy is spanking the crap out of this fat nasty white girl (excuse me, "slightly obese caucasian female"). He has been spanking her nonstop until she is nothing but black and blue. Then he spanks her some more. He's got a crew of meanies next to him, and occasionally he'll spank someone else. "Oooh he's so fine I want him to spank me!" I tell my friends. Truth be told I love getting spanked once in a while, but that seemed a little extreme. He sends over one of his lackeys to tell my girl Tracey that he likes her booty and wants to spank her. Tracey has a slim dancer's build but has an enormous booty. "Girl do it! Let me live vicariously through you pleeeze!" I beg her. "No way!!" she says, totally mortified. He comes up to her personally even and asks her nicely. He kisses her hand. I am next to her practically drooling at this opportunity, but she says no. He then turns to me and tells me some shit about my face, then smiles and walks away. Don't tell me I'm pretty, just spank me daddy!!!
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I had a flight in 3 hours and was trying to stay awake. Time to pack.
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