Is Your Man on the Down-Low?

While gossiping with my hairdresser Jim, he tells me story after story of his nightclub adventures as Tina, his nocturnal alter ego. When Tina is out she is flawless, dressed to the nines in sexy body-fitting clothes and high heels. There are countless men who hit on Tina, most of whom are aware of her true sexuality.

"Oh honey, all these men got wives, girlfriends, they know what they're doing! They go and get their *+*ks sucked by someone like me, then go home to their women like aint nothing happened!"

I ask him if there is a feeling of power in that for him - knowing that these so-called straight men are pulling indiscretions on real women with someone who is not.

"No way! Because at the end of the day, they don't want nothing to do with me. They just want to get off, hit that shit then go home to their wives."

Jim is one of many of my friends who have encounters with these down-low boys, men who secretly have sex with other men while in sexual relationships with women. These men typically don't consider themselves gay or bisexual, and their female partners don't know they're having sex with other men. While the origins of this term began in the African-American community, the down-low I am referring to spans across all racial lines.

From discussing this advent with some of my friends who deem themselves experts in this situation, here are some signs they have suggested to look for in a possible down-low man. Now before anyone gets all bent out of shape after reading this, just remember these are observations made by people who have been there/done that/seen it:

1. He walks by an attractive man and does a very subtle head nod or looks him up and down.

2. He is always with his best boy. Whether they are constantly on the phone, working out together or having boys' night out, realize that you my dear "girlfriend" may be the cover for his secret lifestyle.

3. He constantly talks about how women want to get at him or about how fine this girl or that girl is. But truth be told you never see him with any women. That's because the women he's talking about are really men.

4. He beats on women. A real man will not beat on a woman, but a down low man will. He's trying to prove that he's a man's man, when deep down inside he's a big old sissy queen.

5. He's homophobic. Everytime he sees a gay man he has to make some derogatory comment. That's because he either wants the gay boy for himself or is jealous of him because he is free and open with his sexuality.

6. He always wants to have sex from behind, and if you don't like it he gets mad. If he likes poking you in the booty how do you know he doesn't love poking another fella back there?

7. If your man likes for you to put your fingers or your tongue in or around his back door, sure he's a freak, a bisexual down-low freak. If your man wants you to strap on a dildo and give it to him in his booty, girl you need to wake up!

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