January 14, 2008
Sucky Smartenders, Internet Coooking, Armless Pole-Dancing and Tiffany's
The douche who dared to argue... just shut up and pour |
SUCKY SMARTENDERS
Thursday was my friends Divine Disco Unit and Nautix Design's party at Smart Bar. There's nothing I love more than a dumb blonde bartender too busy texting on her phone rather than taking care of her customers. I especially love it when the prices change on the same drinks, and despite the fact that I had the miracle happen to me that 4 different people bought me drinks that night, my tab still came out to a preposterous $70. (I barely ordered anything from her.) For those of you who have read the RAW blog, it turns out I'm allowed to imbibe alcohol, although of course it's better not to. So while drunkenly complaining to all my friends about the crappy service, the other douche-bag mohawk wearing dork bartender jumps in front of me and says "And how many bars have you tended at?!?" I stare at him for a full 5 seconds, trying to process the fact that someone dared challenge a customer whose tips in the past have probably financed his dirty goth t-shirts and second-hand underwear. I then proceed to yell back at him about the fact that I've worked in ZERO bars but have probably patronized 200,000 and know bar etiquette. If someone is buying round after round of drinks, it has been my keen observation that the bartender will hook you up with either a free round, a few shots or a discount on your tab. Then you make it up with a big fat tip, of which I always do. This bitch was too busy flirting with guy customers and figuring out how to count past 10. My girl Vanessa finally jumped in and said "You see all these people? They're here because of her!!"
Unbelievable. I always have this outrageous bar tab at Smart Bar. Rave on ravers!!
INTERNET COOKING
In my efforts to fatten my man up, I made him buy tons of chicken, pork and other assorted food that I would never touch. I've never really cooked before, save for these giant egg-white omelettes I used to make myself. I've been cooking for him now, and my teacher is the internet. For breakfast I wanted to make him eggs, so I googled "how to cook an egg" and went ahead and made him eggs sunnyside up. At night I looked up how to make porkchops and made him a meal of porkchops and rice. He really liked my porkchops, so maybe there is a smidgen of domesticity lurking in my being.
ARMLESS POLE-DANCING
On Friday I went and took my fellow dancer Rebecca's pole-dancing class. I've been meaning to do it forever. Halfway through the class I seriously thought my arms were going to come off. We had to do the same spinning and climbing moves over and over again until you wanted to vomit. I learned really cool tricks but by the end of the class I was in so much pain that I couldn't even lift my arms up. I went home, ate delicious Motrim then passed out. I had no interest in seeing Rush at Zentra.
my lovely new bracelet |
TIFFANY'S
My man finally got me what I wanted: a pretty silver Tiffany's bracelet with a heart charm. It is so pretty and dainty and feminine, just like me. I'm kidding. I keep wanting to do beauty queen waves to show off my new trinket.
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