April 28, 2006
One Tire... Two Tire... Flat
Tuesday I interview the lovely CeCe Peniston around lunchtime...She is beautiful, poised, and on her shit. Easy peasy. Then I head out to get a hair consultation, and as I leave the salon I get a major flat tire. And my spare is useless. AAA is called and the guy asks me if my car is a 2-wheel or a 4-wheel drive. I stare at him blankly and say "Yeah." He flatbeds my poor little Honda CRV to this questionable Mexican used tire store (at an alley no less) for "cheaper prices." I get a new tire and a new spare and go my lovely way.
Meeting next for ChicagoHouseRadio.com. Talk talk talk talk talk gotta go leaving 71st and I notice I'm driving more crooked than usual on Lake Shore Drive. Like super duper swervy-wervy crooked. Pull over girl. Well golly gee I'll be darned! I got another flat tire!! Yipee!! Thanks God!!! I'm already running late for everything. Luckily that's what concerned exes are for. In one distressed call from me he leaves his job, hops in a cab, and comes to my rescue. Much faster than AAA. A few quick blinks and a grateful sigh is all the man needs to feel like the archetypal hero. "You owe me sex." he says. "I don't owe you shit!" I say, morphing back into a hag.
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Then I try and get cute in 10 minutes and zoom down to the Dating Game. After that I speed to the Note to hear Glenn Underground. My girl really likes this one guy, and she's using my arrival as an excuse to stand outside with him. "I'm almost there! Drop something and bend over really slow!" I instruct her, since she's playing too shy with him. "No!" she says. "Girl, just drop your phone by the gutter and show that ass! But do it sexy!" I'm really trying to expedite their impending sexual relationship, but I guess the woops-I-dropped-something-technique is too advanced for her.
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April 26, 2006
CeCe Peniston @ Green Dolphin
Monday evening I get a last minute request/suggestion from birthday boy Ron Carroll to interview CeCe Peniston, who would be singing at Green Dolphin later on that night. Of course by the time I get there the place is crazy packed and the "backstage" is overflowing with producers, djs and sort-of sexy girls.
CeCe jumps out her limo at exactly 2am and goes onstage to do her show. She is absolutely fantastic, everyone is on her ass, and I resign myself to no interview that night. My old dancer friend is visiting from Vegas, so a bunch of us drink and talk shit about the "old days."
My ex is with us and thankfully he is beginning to understand his role in my current social hierarchy: You can carry my coat, you can hold my drink, you can occasionally be near me, but you are NOT my man.
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April 25, 2006
Frankie, Robert, Andre, Ex
Doug and I tape this week's radio show.
Friday night is Ron Carroll's birthday party at Zentra, so after doing the club rounds I end the night there. All the old-timers were there such as Robert Williams, Judge, George Jackson, and of course Mr. Frankie Knuckles himself.
The night got kinda weird at the end because somehow me and my boy Osiris ended up at this girl's house for the afterhours. Her and her girlfriend found out I had my own dance company, and the hostess started telling me how good a dancer she was if I would just let her dance for me please. (Oh no, not another one of those.) She was sort of in a hypnotized, trancey state, and she told me she could "freestyle" and "pop-lock" (no such word.) She then starts to wave her arms in a very scary amoeba-like way, while at the same time giving me this intense stare.
"Oh wow that's a cool painting!" I scream, in hope of diverting her from her octopus hip-hop contortions. Both girls start examining the said painting, but I could see 'ol girl really really wanted to get back to her dancing. At the same time, Osiris is getting extremely irritated at the other girl because she is going off about how she loves Black Actors and the Black Experience. Osiris just wants the white girl to shut up with her pretentions, and I just want to leave. We do.
Saturday night me, Boogie and our designated driver Derrick go to a party at the Southside Community Arts Center where Andre Hatchett is spinning. No one is really there, but the music is banging and we figure we may as well make the most of it. I couldn't really dance on the dancefloor because the drunk old men were out hawking the floor, waiting on any female flesh to pounce on with their old-daddy moves.
By 4am I drop off my friends and me and Andre go over Ojay and Will's house to gossip, drink and eat. I told Ojay she should have a house party with nothing but men, and I will work the door. She and Andre laugh it off but I am completely serious. Afterwards I go over my ex's house for his birthday. When people ask me why I still talk to my ex, I tell them because he makes me feel loved even when I act like a complete b...ch.
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April 20, 2006
Drag Night
I did not sleep at all Monday night, and so the Tuesday morning calltime for the drag queen rehearsal is like a knife between my eyeballs. I am running and tech-ing the dancers for the pageant that night and the owner of the Baton is screaming at everyone. "Get off the stage!"... "No get back on the stage!"... "If you don't do this you are disqualified!!" I need a low fat muffin.
Later that night we sneak in backstage (because dancers are like lepers in drag shows), and get ready. The Supremes with the Jackson 5 number is a big success, and we get a never-ending standing ovation. Thank God. We then stay for the rest of the pageant and my drag queen client comes in 1st Runner Up. The last drag I choreographed for also ended up as 1st runner up, so I hope this is not a curse I carry.
All these non-women glammed and dolled up always makes me feel very plumber-like. I am a bulldyke next to them. By the same token I'm so proud of my drag queen, like a mother watching her child in recital.
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April 18, 2006
"Mellow Night"
Monday night Boogie and I dress up in our matching Party Girl shirts and fur jackets and promise to make it a mellow night. As we drive down Taylor street chugging Cuervo and getting lit, we see one of the many po-po cars around the area steadily following us. After a few minutes of extreme paranoia and old asian lady driving, I pull over at a random meter. 1070 W. Taylor. "This is where I lost my virginity!" says Boogie as only fate would have it. So we continue drinking, smoking and reminiscing about the best and worst sex we've ever had and eventually drive to Beviamos. We are completely tore up but in a glamorous way. After a quick martini and random conversation that we hope was coherent, we are about to leave. But before that we see this little punk ass crackhead boy who tried to talk shit to me the other night. We corner him and he mumbles and tries to get away from us. I am completely ready to grab him by his curly-in-the-closet hair and slam him against the wall, but I refrain out of respect to the promoters. This little punk boy can't even stand up to 2 queens in fake fur jackets. I can't wait to see him in a dark alley with my crew of dl gay boys.
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Next Boogie and I chow down on Wendy's fries (we make 2 rounds of the drive-thru), then end up at Green Dolphin. I remember a lot of walking around aimlessly. I also remember that I have a big dress rehearsal to run and a show later on the next day. Oh well. Too late now. We drunk dial a good friend of ours and like a prince he comes to our rescue. He not only listens to our endless ramblings but also drives us to safety. Thank you sir, there sure aren't many of you left :)
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April 17, 2006
All Hennaed Up
Went and got my hands and arms all hennaed up with crazy designs at a salon in Devon to relive my childhood memories of Indian weddings. Henna lasts a few weeks, and I realize too late that I cannot look like one of the Supremes for my show this Sunday with tribal markings all over my arms. Shit. Where's the scar-hiding makeup?? My drag queen client will kill me!
Friday night Zentra gets pepper sprayed and we all have to leave the club by 3:30.
Saturday night was the Generator and Zentra again. Sunday night I roll solo to Celebrity, the Dating Game and Betty's. Thankfully people left me alone for most of the nights, and I got to sit by the bar in peace. No heads screaming in my ear about how I should run my magazine and how they or their boys need to be on the cover. This hasn't been the greatest week for me and I need something to cheer me up.
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April 14, 2006
Random Trouble
More drag queen rehearsals... she's starting to get on my nerves. I can't wait till these shows are done.
Kenny Dope Gonzalez is supposed to be next month's cover story but so far all 3 scheduled interview times have been moved. I have to get this done but he's super busy.
Thursday went to Red-I to check out Stacy Kidd and DJ Fritz spinning, then myself/David Sabat/Stacy went to Tini to hear Flx play. Great music all night and a group of us stumbled to Uptown Lounge (how we ended up there of all places I don't know). I'm getting myself into trouble at random places and I think I should just stay home.
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April 11, 2006
67th St Loft
Doug and I tape all new music from WMC for this week's radio show.
Saturday night me and Lits hit up Zentra, the Generator (Lits and I did our first tag team french kiss on a gay boy), Prophouse and finally the 67th Street Loft Party. It's Andre Hatchett's birthday...the place is packed and the music is banging. My mini carry-on bottle of tequila was done in like 2 seconds. Damn vultures oops I mean friends. I was so hungry and thirsty that I chowed down on potato chips and beer in true cow-like fashion. I wanted to moo. Andre was wearing his t-shirt presents, one of which said "Fuck you you fucking fuck", underneath that was another shirt that just said "fuck", and one under that that said "You're pretty when I'm drunk." I'm jealous that he has friends who give him gifts like that.
Craig Loftis was telling me that there are 2 free chatlines (1 gay, 1 straight) programmed in all cell phones. He highly recommended them as good opportunities to catch tail on ugly people nights.
Hi to you guys at the party who read my blog. You know who you are. Nice limo by the way.
And as we did last time, we stayed till the very very very end...as in 3pm Sunday. Shots, potato chips, taking pictures, music, gossip, bad girl things, and more music. I love these parties.
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April 10, 2006
Housekeys & Girlfriends Don't Mix
Friday night me and Lits do the dropoff rounds at the clubs, then end up at Zentra. While me and Boogie are dancing steroid stripper man walks in with his current girlie and I act like I don't know him in case she's one of the crazy jealous ones. And sure enough, she is wasted beyond belief and screaming at the top of her lungs at him. Then she nearly gets into it with one of my girls, but thankfully she decides to do one of those dramatic exit moves in the hopes that he follows her. (He doesn't.) So me, Boogie and steroid stripper man along with this cute engaged couple go to an afterhours at my boy's studio. At 9am when we
drive him home, we listen to the 16 psychotic voicemails she leaves him.
"WHY?? WHY?? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEE????" (sobs)
"I LOVE YOU CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?? WHY WHY WHYYYYYY???" (more sobs and inexplicable oral noises)
"I'M WALKING YOUR DOG RIGHT NOW. I LOVE YOUUUUU" (maniacal laugh)
"Oh shit she's waiting for you in your house!" Boogie says. I just know she gots a kitchen knife chilling next to her while she absentmindedly sings children's songs. Stripper man wants to run and hide, and we gently remind him that housekeys and girlfriends don't mix.
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April 7, 2006
Beauty Contests
Drag queen beauty contest dance rehearsals are under way. The queen I'm choreographing/dancing for keeps changing the shit around so all my hours of work were for nothing. No worries though... the cash I'm getting is lovely.
No more 3degrees at Wet, so we head to The Note and Four. So many house nights so little time. While driving from the Dating Game me and Lito see 2 stray dogs, 1 pregnant female and 1 male. I make us follow them and have Lito call 911 to save them. It breaks my heart and I don't want to leave them until I'm reassured that they have some kind of home. We try calling the male dog and he silently stares at us. I tell Lits to get out the car, but then there is a slight chance that he may get his face eaten. "They'll be fine," Lits says, so we reluctantly leave the lady and the tramp.
Thursday is Negro League (SLAMMING!!! GET YOUR ASSES TO THE SOUTH SIDE NOW AND SEE THE REALNESS!!!), Red-I, Tini Martini, Zentra and Four. Got a lot of business done so good for me. Lito is sick and has to shoot a masturbation scene in the morning. Aside from working at Abercrombie and Fitch his powerdick is his livelihood so I must make sure my pornstar brother is well. Good night.
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April 3, 2006
Love and Boytoy Blues
Doug and I tape the latest installment of the 5 Magazine radio show, and I can barely keep my eyes open. Need sleep. I have a new gig dancing and choreographing for a drag queen for the upcoming Miss Continental. Have to do Supreme and Jackson 5 moves, and I must supress my desire to just throw in a random freeze or drop.
Saturday afternoon I go visit Paul Johnson and give him the April issue of the magazine with him on the cover. He is really the sweetest man alive. I love his energy and love talking to him. Later on in the evening me, Lito and Lito's hot new New York man stop by Madrigals, the male strip club. Just as we walk in, my steroid stripper man goes up onstage, and comes right back down when he sees us. He is overjoyed at our presence, and asks us to come get him after his set. So by the end of the night it is me, Lito, Lito's man, Boogie and steroid stripper man at Zentra. The latter corners me and says that even though he dates multiple groups of women, we should be boyfriend and girlfriend. He loves me. I pat him on the head and say "No way Jose." Then I promptly sic him on all my girlfriends at the club, and he happily obliges. Take him, please.
Boogie says "Maybe he can be the Fivestar maintenance man!" I agree that they can feel free to pass him around anytime.
Lito points out that so far 2 of my ex-boytoys have said "I love you" and have indirectly asked me to be their girlfriend, wasn't this what I wanted? Well yes, it would be nice to have a man...but the problem is that I need to like him. Secondly they also need to know me, and so far neither knew shit about me.
As I ruminated on these profound thoughts, I had a sudden urge to eat McDonalds french fries.
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