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CZ'S NIGHT OUT BLOG

December 27, 2006

Back in Transit

Christmas Eve dinner at the Peninsula lounge, party hopping, and the major weirdness I feel seeing my old friends with little children running around. I don't know whether to envy them or pity them, they ALL are married with kids. Their life is easy, maids and drivers and houseboys galore, AND they still hit up the clubs! But being stuck with a gross-getting-fat-who-obviously-sleeps-around-with-his-secretary husband for the rest of your life does not look that appealing.

Favorite gift: A huge diamond ring! ("My heart belongs to daddeeeee....")

So here I am again writing from the Korean Airways lounge in Seoul en route to Chicago. BOO HOO!!! I seriously begged my parents to let me stay a few days/week, but because they were worried about my visa they told me to go handle that crap and then come back. "Then I'll take you all over the world, wherever you want, we'll go shopping in Hong Kong, I'll buy you all the Gucci and Chanel you want...blah blah blah" my dad drones on, trying to appease his very pissed off offspring. I WANT TO STAY!!!!!

I know I sound like a big baby (which is what I am thank you very much), but after being back in your home and having the hierarchy of your values rearranged so that it's FAMILY that is number one and everything else (work, social life, romance, etc.) lagging behind it, you become content. You see what's really important. Chicago is like one big psycho-obsessive-blackhole of pain and irritation to me. I can only imagine how many messages I have waiting from the "I want to be on the magazine cover" posse, multiplying more and more by the minute.

This little kid using the computer next to me keeps making these annoying slurping sounds with his EMPTY juice can and is talking avidly to his computer game. I'm going to sign off now and stuff my very fat face with more Filipino sweets.

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December 22, 2006

Manila Files (what's going on so far...)

Eat, swim, bake, ride this huge yellow phallic thing called a banana boat, ride precarious tricycles and shop at the provincial "mall", get my hair braided with my 2 nieces, another massage, ride horses up a mountain and buy 5 bottles of coconut oil. There are dogs everywhere that form pseudo-packs, and I run and play with them because I love doggies. I have also befriended my masseuse/hairstylist, her family and the stable boys, spending hours gossiping with them about island life. I am one big insect bite, scratching myself like a hype looking for a fix.

It is 9 pm and everyone is asleep. So I stay up watching Filipino and Korean movies, because my favorite movies are never in English.

I'm so happy and content here, no problems at all. I'm scared to go back.

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December 21, 2006

Manila Files (what's going on so far...)

I am so happy and rested being here in the homeland with my family and all this gorgeous sun. I soo needed this. I have 2 older brothers (1 is a single doctor, another is a family man with 2 daughters), and we have all managed to meet up in Manila. Now instead of us staying in our big ass house/mansion, (not to mention that we also have a guesthouse attached), our parents have put us up in these magnificent hotel/condo suites, so we each basically have our own apartments... each one of us! (Where's my harem when I need it?) Upon arrival we are picked up in separate cars, given a personal cell phone (so far I've gone through 2), an envelope with cash and taken to our personal mini-homes. I love this.

- Everyone here smiles, greets you and treats you with kindness.

- Everyone here is incredibly tiny and petite, so I feel very Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum when I'm in crowds.

- Because of so many past bomb threats and explosions, there is always a bomb guard standing by every store and hotel door, sometimes even with a cute bomb-sniffing dog. And they still greet you with a smile! ("Good morning maam, may I check your bag for explosives?")

- Tons of traffic, tons of shopping, and I am an obese fat cow with all the food I'm eating. I'm vegetarian, and I just ate a fried pig with rice last night.

- My boy Bryan (Boogie Boy!) is a House dj from San Fran, and he happens to be here in the Philippines the same time as me. He spun at this huge club called Embassy last night, and man did we have a blast! The Vip room where he spun had House, and the big main floor had hip-hop packed to capacity. I got to meet the awesome promoter and his partner/DJ/wife, and he intro'ed me to about 4 other House djs. And get this: all my drinks were *gasp* paid for! Even the women were offering to buy me drinks! So unlike the States were there is a Czarina line in front of me with people's hands out waiting for me to give give give...

So back to Boogie Boy... I had to walk around with him and watch and videotape him mac on every pretty girl (plenty) at the club. And I had to always smile at the girl in a non-threatening manner so I didn't look like I was either (a) his sucker girlfriend, or (b)his swinger-lesbo girlfriend.

-Thursday day we all hop into a small plane and go to this gorgeous island called Boracay. I don't know how many trucks/buses/boats we had to take to finally get to the beach, but it was well worth it. White sands, clear water, people practically picking you up maharajah-style and plying you with shell necklaces, drinks and all forms of hospitality. The beach is packed with masseuses, so you just lay there and get a massage for $7!

So far I've had 3 massages since this week...

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December 17, 2006

Flying and Non-Gentlemen

I am writing this in my layover in Seoul/Korea en route to the Philippines. I'm exhausted. Thursday night I partied my butt off with my friends at Four, and had a great old time in happiness land. Friday was spent sleeping off the party, packing and ignoring phone calls. Then early Saturday morning my bed buddy irritates me because while I'm scurrying around like a deadline-addled packrat, he insists on staying in the bed and sleeping. Excuse me?? Would it be too much bother for you to help me with my 3 gynormous suitcases??? I buy your food, drinks and chemicals, I'm gone for 2 weeks, and now you want to lay your ass in MY bed while I struggle with my shit?? Because I care for him I suppress the urge to shove a dry face towel down his non-gentleman throat. Nothing like a cranky morning to start your day!

I think I'll go get a Korean massage from the 1st class lounge. One of my brothers is meeting me here from his NY flight and we both go to Manila together. Goodbye grimeys and rudies... luxury life here I come...

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December 14, 2006

The Return of SSMan

Monday I stop by Boom Boom Room to drop off magazines and who do I see? For all of you who have been following my blog this past year, I'm sure you remember one of the more memorable characters I used to have: steroid stripper man. The insane, easily outraged, woman-whoring Romanian stripper that Lito and I adopted as our special project back in the day. All those nights we would hang out in his apartment smoking hookahs, listening to ear-blasting reggaeton, shaking our heads at his women conquering stories, playing with his beautiful Rottweiler Tess and watching him eat steaks by the dozen. Oh and the roid-rages he would go through... lord have mercy.


I guess he threw out his baby mama and sent her back to Florida, and is once again being the single philanderer he was born to be. I know the perfect girl for him.

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December 12, 2006

Sunday Blues

Sunday I write and write, then go christmas shopping for gifts. I'm bored and looking for something to do. I really wanted to stay in, but went ahead to check out my boy B.T.'s semi-new night at Subterranean. It's on the 2nd and 4th Sunday of every month, and a really nice time. Dysqo always plays 2 of my favorite songs, and I'm finally dancing again after a long wallflower hiatus. There was a small posse of midgets (like real midgets!) that were getting down, and my friend Chris kept telling me to take a picture of them. "That's so insensitive!" I say. I take 3 pictures.


Subterranean. Note the 2 little people in the back. They worked it out!

One of my friends was CRACKED out of his mind, and he was really beginning to annoy me. Like damn, can you put a stopper up your nose hoover?! We then went to Betty's to hear more House, and DJs Kevin McSwain, Knox 9 and Gantman were putting down some really hot tracks.

I don't know if it's because I'm off my raw food diet, the cold weather, my life conditions or what, but sadness has been hitting me pretty hard lately. My girl has been going through the same thing, and while I would go and cry inside the club bathrooms, she started crying right there at Betty's. "I feel you girl" I tell her. Sometimes the solace of friends can only get you so far, and you need something a little more. Lito was going to leave for Wet to get some ass, but then takes off his coat and stays with me to console her.

Watching her go through it just reinforces my belief that guys can be such assholes. (Sorry guys, but does treating a woman like shit make your dicks hard? Kindness and consideration are not weaknesses, but actually a sign of strength. And if you think the jerk gene is just too prominent in your DNA, then at least pretend to be nice sometimes.)

Have to pack, ugh. 4 more days...

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December 11, 2006

Will You Marry Me?

Friday I get my Philippine visa (6 more days!), work, then get a massage from this place on Lincoln Ave. with great Russian massage therapists. Mine had huge boobs and a surgically enhanced face, and it made me wonder if she was part of the "happy ending" posse. And then she massaged me with gloves! Hah? Do I look like I have a viral infection?? Maybe she thought she was going to jack me off at the end, who knows. But hey I feel relaxed so there.

Later that night after the usual club drops I go to Ohm to celebrate my good friend Buzz from Cleveland's birthday. I love that club, but the gogo dancers they've got up on those boxes have got to go. With their bizarre baggy-shorts-with-big-fishnets-outfits and lackadaisical "dance" moves, I often found myself just staring them in the face like "Are you for real?"

Side note: I got 2 marriage proposals today! Really! Both from good friends of mine, both half-joking/half-serious. I think that they find me so cool and fun to be with that they assume marriage with me would be just as fun. (Poor them.) Also thank you to those who emailed me and offered their hands in marriage due to my possible green card problems... that really was very sweet of you all! It's been noted that all marriage proposals directed to me were without love, so maybe that's the new thing.


Wunmi singing @ Cuatro

Saturday night I go hear New York based singer Wunmi at Cuatro, and that lady worked it out! She is clearly an accomplished African dancer, and there is nothing better to watch than a performer who gives it her all no matter how small the space. She was backed by DJ FLX and two African drummers. I then headed to my boy Anthony's night at Primo Lounge, then again finished off at Ohm.

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December 8, 2006

Thursdays are the new Tuesdays

I finally went ahead and booked my Miami hotel... the same one I always stay at during off season, which during the WMC is 20x more expensive. I guess I'll have to sell one one of my vital organs in the black market to pay for it. But hey I'm going!!!

Wednesday night after drops at Dating Game, Moonshine and Ohm, I stay at the Note to hear my good friend Craig Loftis spin as special guest DJ. He of course was fabulous, and at the end of the night as we both drive back to our respective homes, we gossip about Miami (I want to join the NuBang clan in throwing a party there... also stay with them at that famous mansion if they can actually get it!), and men. Craig keeps scaring me with his very well-spoken theories about "no man is really straight". I guess the DL brother is alive and kicking. Great.


Four Thursdays

Thursday night I go to my favorite new night at Four. Just so everyone knows, Zentra is officially closed on Thursdays. Yes... the whole damn club. Can you believe it? So now Four is completely packed on Thursdays, and I'm so happy for my promoter/friends that it turned out that way. I'm also happy that Lego can finally get a big audience once again. Remember how Four was on Tuesdays? Well that's how Thursdays are. The vibe is great, the music is great. I also noticed that the less makeup I wear and the less I give a shit about what I wear, the more I get hit on. Hmmm. I don't really know if that's a good thing.


Four Thursdays

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December 6, 2006

Miami!

Shit, shit, shit... I knew I shouldn't have waited! They announced the Miami Winter Music Conference dates a long time ago (March 20-25th), and the idea behind that is you're supposed to book your hotel asap. Otherwise you're stuck paying $900 a night for a room, or end up staying in a cockroach-fiesta-hovel by the wayside. Shit! I looked online and my favorite hotel was already booked, and so are most of the ones I checked on. Or they cost too much. And one thing is... I cannot share rooms with people! I've always been private like that, so the whole cost will be paid by me. Unless by March I have a lover/bf who can actually pay for half his room.

End of dream sequence.

Get your rooms now those of you with plans to go!


me @ 2006 Miami WMC hosting the ChicagoSoundSource party

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December 4, 2006

Weekend Roundup

My boy Anthony has officially started his new Saturday residence at Primo Lounge called "Salvation." Way out for me on Kedzie and Diversey, but when I got there the place was jumping! It was a lot of family there, and I'm sure the bar locals were a little surprised at how loud everybody was. Especially my boys whom I call the latin "queens"... I seriously believe they terrorize anyone who isn't their friend. Great great night, and I hope people keep coming. There was a girl up on a platform pouring shots down people's throats, and some people had pretty impressive swallowing skills. I was not one of them, because the vodka just ran down the sides of my mouth and into my cleavage.


host and promoter Anthony, Louis, me and latin "queen" Lyrik @ Primo Lounge


the girl pouring shots down everybody's throats

We then all headed to Ohm, and Andre Harris was spinning great music upstairs. Lito tries to hook me up with yet another stripper friend of his, and says "Remember him? He's the one who dances like he's having a seizure." That description didn't really make me all excited, but I smiled and shook stripper's hand in that beauty-queen-saying-hello-to-a-third-world-beggar-way, so he'd get the hint that I wasn't down.

Then throughout the night an old sugar daddy (actually the only one I ever had) kept blowing up my phone, and I wonder if he'll ever get the hint. When a girl stops returning your calls and texts after months and months of you trying, shouldn't you get it??? And don't say you just "wanna hang out" - shit, I have enough friends. Although it would be nice to be flown out somewhere, or even have a nice dinner. It's been a long time I've had a guy take me out :)

Sunday is work and stay-at-home-day. I watch a Spanish film at the Century Theater called Volver, then go home and watch tv with my dog Luigi. He's very gassy.

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December 3, 2006

Ohm and Peace of Mind

Friday is a 5 Mag meeting and various calls to artists, djs and their agents. Later that night I do early drops at The Dating Game, Zentra, Prophouse, Sonoteque and Ohm. I decide to stay at Ohm for minute, and it really is like the old Red Dog. There's so much wandering room that the place never gets too stifling. I see Mark Grant and crankily remind him to submit his top 10 list for the magazine. Or his top 13, 14, whichever he pleased.

Later that night I get my little heart broken once again. I finally realize that no matter how much you can bend over backwards to try and please someone, if they've already judged you there's nothing you can do about it. In the naive pursuit of the L word, I allowed someone to make me feel small and bad about myself. The only thing to do now is to walk away with my dignity and peace of mind, 2 things that I haven't had in a long, long time.

I can't wait to leave this country.

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December 2, 2006

Snow Night

Thursday night everyone is running scared about the big snowstorm coming. I don't give a flying f&*k, I'm celebrating my re-entry permit! I pick up the new magazines from the printer, get my hair did and later meet all my friends at Four... and what started out as a slow and snowy night, by 3am was packed with people looking for a party. I guess Zentra had shut down by midnight, so all their bouncers came through. It was a great night, and all the DJs (Jason Christopher, Lego, etc.) played some amazing house music.


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December 1, 2006

Wedding is Off

So after 2 weeks of waiting and stressing, I finally get my re-entry permit to this country, meaning I can go back to the Philippines this christmas and see my whole family. Hallelujah!!! I've applied for citizenship for about 8 years now, and it turns out Immigration has been sitting on my application, ignoring it despite numerous pleas from my lawyer to expedite my case. Now the supervisor in charge is working on it so that I may actually get my citizenship in 2 months! It's not so much the American passport that I want as much as the ability to travel with ease, not having to line up at federal buildings for 3 days praying I don't get a mean Homeland Security officer.

I guess this means I don't have to "marry" somebody to stay here. Now I can marry for love! (cue laugh soundtrack.)

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Cz's Night Out Blog is written by 5 Magazine editrix Czarina Mirani. Click here for her column which appears each month in the print edition of 5 Magazine.