The Insanely Jealous Boyfriend/Girlfriend

We've all had them. We still have them. We are them. I'm not talking about the occasional bouts of jealousy. I'm talking about that irritating, stressful, full-out accusatory every-second-of-the-day monitoring and 3rd-degree badgering that demands accounting of your every move, where you are made to feel guilty for your very existence.

My ex-boyfriend used to get mad when my phone would ring. When I'd put it on silent he thought I was being sneaky. If I didn't pick it up I was obviously cheating on him (what else?) Every text message was suspect, and coming home late was clearly a sign that I had been gangbanged.

DEJA VU
This is your partner having failed relationship flashbacks. They have put themselves on such a high alert to dodge any more hurtful indiscretions. No one likes being fucked over, so they've honed their cheating sensors to an ear-piercing wavelength. You need to tell them that hiking up the surveillance on you is not going to prevent the cheating nor diminish the pain of being cheated on. Warning you that they're watching will not stop the naughty behavior, it will just make you slicker in your (supposed) deception.

WHY YOU SO CRAZY?
What's happening is that they feel responsible for the cheating in the last relationship. They're thinking, "If I had paid a little more attention, if I had noticed those little signs, if I had regulated them a little bit more, this would never have happened." It's a way to elude the feeling of helplessness one gets when knowing that ultimately they can't control their partner's actions. If the heffer is going to cheat on you, they will cheat on you.

One thing I've seen in myriads of paranoid-tainted relationships is that all the accusations and mistrust will eventually drive the partner away from them and actually make them go ahead and do what they're being accused of! "Fuck it, they think I'm doing it anyway right?"

It also gets worse as the relationship progresses, so it's best to nip it in the bud as soon as you see a pattern. Tell them that they should release their past and give trust a chance for the sanity of you both. But I'm warning you: a mistrustful partner is one with lots of baggage. You cannot undo months or years of past wrongdoings.

BOGUS SUGGESTION
Try telling them this: if they do for some reason catch you in an indiscretion... then let them think of it as a "go fuck anyone you want" or "lie to me" card that they get to use on you for X amount of times.

Pity the next person they hook up with, it's a vicious damaged cycle.

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